hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
