An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
