I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
