I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
