Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
