I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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