dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
