So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
