i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Four minutes until I can fart!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
