If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
