Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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