dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
