Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
