i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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