Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
