She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
