Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
