This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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