M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
