Sponge bath it is.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
