Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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