So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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