you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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