I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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