If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
