I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
