No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
