I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
