It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
