An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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