I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
