@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
