Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
