Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
