Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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