he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
