please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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