I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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