I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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