Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
