He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
