I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
