He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
