I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
