I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
