dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
