Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
