She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
