yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
