maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
only you would photoshop your dick
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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