chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
