I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
