If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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