Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
