And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
