I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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