I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
