There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
